“Did you know that I grew up on a farm as the youngest of six?”
I did know, it was the 847th time she had told me in the last two hours, but I replied again, “No, I didn’t. Will you tell me about it?”
Then she would start her story again. The overall message was always the same at its core, but the details often would fluctuate based on the moment. As I listened and “mmmhumm’d” so she knew I was still paying attention, I wondered what it must be like in her mind. To the average person listening in, she would sound like a broken record.
“Did you know that I grew up on a farm as the youngest of six?” For hours, on repeat.
Is that what it’s like in her mind? Does she know that she’s in a loop? Can she feel it? Or is it brand new to her each time she tells it, even when it’s only moments apart?
“Did you know that I grew up on a farm as the youngest of six?” This is always followed by a description of each of her siblings and a list of her chores on the farm. I could easily get frustrated and if I am being honest, I often do but it doesn’t help either of us. This is her new reality and it is my job to join her there and put her at ease.
“Did you know that I grew up on a farm as the youngest of six?”
Yes, I want to scream at her, I know this story, I could tell it in my sleep. I want to ask her if I tell it to her will she stop telling it to me. I want to yell at her that she is no longer a teenager on the farm, that she is older, and her reality is different. I take a deep breath and acknowledge my frustration. I remind myself that she is not choosing this, the disease has taken over. I breathe deeply again and then I say, “No, I didn’t. Will you tell me about it?”
Then I smile and remind myself how thankful I am that I get to listen to her story, even if I already know it by heart.
We all have moments of frustration as a family caregiver and we all need a break. Let us help. If your loved one needs to tell their story, call Seniors Helping Seniors. We love to listen to the stories. Let us provide some much needed respite, so you can create your own story too.
